Married to a foreigner: overseas life is not so bad, but only there are some tiny underwater stones…

Published by Lawrence F. Leon on

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Marry a foreigner seeks a lot of our girls. It is believed that Europeans and Americans are not spoiled by women’s attention, reliably provide for the family and help with household chores. In the films we meet the images of romantic French and passionate Italians, beautifully seeking their chosen ones. And how are things in real life?

Marry a foreigner seeks a lot of our girls. It is believed that Europeans and Americans are not spoiled by women’s attention, reliably provide for the family and help with household chores. In the films we meet the images of romantic French and passionate Italians, beautifully seeking their chosen ones. And how are things in real life?

Struggle for gender equality

European women for decades zealously defended their rights to equality with men and eventually achieved their goal. “In our childhood they explain that a boy, when he grows up, will be the head of the family, that a man should protect a woman. In Europe, this is not”, – says the Russian graduate of the University in Milan Julia Perfilova. According to her, Italian men rarely know how to care – to give flowers, to drive to restaurants, to surprise with gifts. If the gentleman did not read the book “How to marry a Russian and live happily ever after“, published in Italy in 2010, the relationship at the first stage is likely to resemble friendship.

So, European men often do not understand why, inviting on a date, they have to pay for two. Moreover, their feminist companions usually hurriedly take out a purse, emphasizing that they earn enough to pay for themselves. A bouquet of flowers indicates the serious intentions of the boyfriend, and if a man gave a decoration, then a woman takes a special place in his life.

Before getting married, most couples cohabit for several years to make sure the choice is correct. The decision to formalize relations in Europe is viewed very seriously. Unlike Russia, in the West there are almost no couples who get married, and a year or two later get divorced. Careful attitude to marriage promotes not only mentality, but also strict laws. So, in Catholic Italy, where divorce has long been banned, now even a childless couple to divorce, it takes three years. And if the family has children, the father is obliged to pay alimony as long as they do not get a job, even if it happens to 30 years, which is not uncommon in Italy.

In Germany, divorce costs several thousand euros, and the whole process takes at least a year, taking into account several months of waiting, which are given in case the couple changes their minds.

But, as it turns out, the laws passed to help strengthen the institution of the family have a downside: the number of couples entering into an official marriage is steadily falling. Thus, according to statistics published on the website of the European Commission, the number of marriages in Belgium, Germany, Hungary and other European countries has almost halved over the past fifty years. Not even the tax system, according to which people who are not married, give the state most of the income than married, does not save. The number of divorces is also increasing. The only exception to the 26 European countries was Italy, where the peak of divorce occurred in the 70-80-ies, when they were only allowed.

According to the UN Economic Commission, the example of France can be seen that in 2012, about 96 percent of boys and girls aged 20-24 years have never been married. For the 25-29 age group, the changes are small: never married or married about 79 percent. At a young age, there are many reasons not to hurry with an official marriage: the desire to gain financial independence, to devote time to study, work and travel. However, it is noteworthy that in 30-34 more than half of the French retain their freedom.

In the pursuit of implementation and career success, many are so accustomed to the bachelor lifestyle that they do not hurry to part with it. In addition, men who are looking for home comfort and warmth, often do not meet this in relations with their compatriots. The motto “every man for himself” risks becoming “every man for himself.”

What “abroad” people think about Russian wives

“Russian women are able to give a lot. They are looking for a serious man to fully devote himself to him,” – says the site of the marriage Agency for Italians looking for a wife from Russia. Here, however, it is noted that customers are often interested in whether it happens that the young lady wants to get married for selfish purposes: to solve financial difficulties or obtain European citizenship.

Girls from Russia and CIS countries in Europe, especially the Western one, are really treated with some distrust, especially for the older generation. Italian mother, the dominant in the family, can be an insurmountable obstacle for our girl on the way to the crown. But if love has overcome all obstacles, friends of the groom will likely appreciate and perhaps secretly envy.

“Men know that Russian girls are more beautiful, feminine, economic and less capricious compared to Italians, – says Sasha Frascati. – In a word, with them around the easier. This is both advantage and disadvantage.” Sasha’s father is Italian, his mother is from Ukraine, and the girl herself does not exclude that she will link her fate with the Italian: “Among them there are very good husbands. They help raise children, prepare well and do not require a woman to take on all the work around the house.”

On the other hand, many Russian women are dissatisfied with the lack of independence of their Italian husbands and their inability to provide not only the family, but even themselves. The cult of the mother, of course, leaves its mark, but in the end the decisive role is played by the personality of man, not nationality.

Breaking stereotypes

“I have no prejudice against foreign women,” says Alessandro Ferrari, a 27-year-old graduate student at the Italian University. In his opinion, the main thing that the couple shared common values and goals. The main difficulty in relations with a foreign woman, he believes the lack of a common base: “People from different cultures are more difficult to find common ground, but on the other hand, you appreciate even more what you have in common, despite the difference in language and mentality.” Alessandro met with a foreigner, but tied his fate to a girl from his hometown. He proposed eight months after he met her. “It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known each other. I was with another girl for five years and broke up. And when you really find your man, why wait?»

The young man adds that you need to be ready for marriage, and age plays a serious role here: “At twenty-something people are still in search of themselves: they decide what they will do, in what country to live. Closer to thirty the path is already selected, and we can decide with whom to share it”.

In response to the question, why not limit civil marriage, as is customary in Europe, Alessandro says that he may have a chance to go abroad, but he is ready to refuse to avoid separation. “Now that we are one family, I know that this act will not be in vain,” he said.

“How to marry a Russian…»

In an interview with La Voce Della Russia (“the Voice of Russia”), the author of “How to marry a Russian and live happily ever after” Gianni Bandera spoke about his perception of Russian women and the attitude to mixed marriages.

  • Marrying a Russian is prestigious. I’ve heard it many times from Italians who have had romantic relationships with Russian women.
  • Russian women are easier to contact. They are more educated and feminine, respect men. They’re erudite. You can talk to them on any topic: from football and everyday life to politics and Economics. Russians differ in depth of perception, which is extremely rare in Italians. Finally, Russians are much more elegant than Italians, who prefer jeans and t-shirts.
  • I believe that belonging to a common culture does not guarantee family well-being. The difference in culture and education, in my opinion, on the contrary, enriches marriage.

In another interview with Russia Beyond Headlines, Bandera said: “Russian men turn up their noses (the number of beautiful girls in Russia far exceeds the number of interested men).”

In response to the question of how to win the heart of an Italian man, Gianni assured that for a beautiful girl it is very simple. “We have a weakness for beauty and elegance. But if you girls get too pushy or act like geisha, you risk being defeated when it comes to long-term relationships.”

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